I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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