similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding