I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
