I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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