hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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