I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
