if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
jump out the window naked night went bad
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