Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
4 words: hood of his car
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize