he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
