It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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