If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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