that's an acceptable place to lick
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
