I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
