$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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