Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
