I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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