Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
