We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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