a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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