If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
