i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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