i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
