Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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