Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
