the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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