So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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