In the future we'll all be gay
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
