So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
