Jerry, you need to find god
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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