I'd wear matching sweaters with you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
