There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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