just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
