READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
someone owes me an orgasm
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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