yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
