Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
