Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He felt like a one man threesome
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
