PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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