hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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