oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
