In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
