Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
