Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
