i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
