I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
