Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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