If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
