i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
