this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
