Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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