So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
