There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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