Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
