Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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