Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
