Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
babies were throwing up all over the place
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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