So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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