We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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