Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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