I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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