I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
