You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
