Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
