With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
