I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
