Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
