she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize