shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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