Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
