he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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