I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
