Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
